Sex in Marriage, Part II

NOT UNDERSTANDING NATURAL SEXUAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE.

Mike Mason, in his masterpiece The Mystery of Marriage, writes, "When people forget that the opposite sex is opposite, it can result in men actually resenting women for not being men, and vice versa." Do you ignore the fact that your wife needs cuddling and romance separate from the sexual act? Do you ignore the fact that your husband is visually stimulated and would prefer you to be the cause?

Married sex is not about loving any woman or any man. It is about showing love to this woman, this man. What does that mean? Only they can show you, and that often comes as they are learning themselves. A loving, listening, open heart is the greatest asset a spouse can bring to bed.

SELFISHNESS. "What the sex life really demands is the loving gift of the self, the sincere devotion of the whole heart." Look at the words Mike Mason uses in that quote: gift, sincere, devotion, whole heart. These words clash with the self-centeredness that says, "it's all about ME and what I feel."

What gift can you give your spouse physically? How can they know that you are sincere and not just being manipulative? Does your spouse know that you are devoted to him or her both in and out of bed?

GUILT for real actions or perceived things, stops sex. True guilt for something done requires honest discussion, true repentance, and real forgiveness--and a deliberate removal of the thing that divides two spouses from each other.

False guilt can also inhibit sexual response. That elusive guilt requires an examination of the thing causing the guilt--often inappropriate expectations or beliefs. These need to be dismantled, and replaced when necessary.

EMOTIONAL DISTANCE, ANGER, OR RESENTMENT. These can be caused by any number of things. But the fundamental truths remain. When the underlying causes are addressed, the pressure these emotions put on a couple's sexual life will recede. However, when a couple ignores the basic daily work necessary for good relationship, that lack will affect their sexual life.

We humans are minds and bodies and we bring both to the marriage relationship and to the marriage bed. As a couple's mental and emotional intimacy deepens and grows, their physical intimacy deepens and grows as well