Mad Scientist at Home

Friday, 4:30 PM: "Fools! They all laughed at my death ray! They had the audacity to call me mad! Well, soon… soon the time will come for them to pay for their arrogance… and I will taste my sweet revenge!"

Friday, 5:15 PM: "Imbecilic morons! Let them try to block my way with their road construction! Well, I will have the last laugh! I will route around their pitiful construction and soon… soon I will have my dinner!"

Friday, 7:03 PM: "They all laughed when I said I would rent a video! But I will find a video to please them all… man and woman, young and old, all will quake before the mighty entertainment value of… Patch Adams!"

Saturday, 8:30 AM: "Foolish alarm clock! You think you can wake me on a Saturday? Idiot! There! I have disarmed your foolish beeping… now the world will wonder at my ability to sleep in!"

Saturday, 10:25 AM: "Snap and crackle on, imbecilic cereal, for your days on this earth will soon be over… behold the power of my mighty spoon!"

Saturday, 12:48 PM: "They said I wouldn’t be able to assemble a new barbecue! But I will show them… show them all!"

Saturday, 1:26 PM: "Confound it, these idiotic barbecue assembly instructions mock me! But let them jabber on… my superior mind will persevere and all will marvel at my new barbecue!"

Saturday, 4:30 PM: "Cretins! Morons! What imbecile created this defective and unassemblable barbecue?!"

Saturday, 5:16 PM: "Look at my wife, successfully assembling that barbecue! Bah! Let her have her day… for soon… soon I will be the one operating the barbecue! Then all will taste my burgers!"

Saturday, 8:37 PM: "Foolish waitress! I will have a beer!"

Saturday, 9:12 PM: "These screaming hot chicken wings are pathetic! What tiny minds sought to label this barely-spiced poultry as ‘screaming hot?’ Bah! Why, my chicken ray… what’s that? Yes, confound it, another beer! Make it a pitcher!"

Sunday, 1:02 AM: "Y’know, I know it puts people off when I call them fools. But they call me mad. Y’know? Like, why do they have to call me mad? Yeah, okay, I rant. But I get the job done! Can they say that? Fools!"

Sunday, noon: "Ha! Again my superior intellect has rid me of the incessant beeping of the alarm clock… and allowed me to sleep in!"

Sunday, 3:30 PM: "Pretty blades of grass… so green and peaceful. Such a shame that you will soon by mulched by the power of my lawnmower!"

Sunday, 7:18 PM: "Prattle on, foolish television, for soon the infra-red beams from my remote control unit will force you to change channels at my whim. Behold! I pull the strings and you dance!"

Sunday, 11:37 PM: "Look at you, innocent pillow… so soft and fluffy. Little do you know you will soon be crushed by the power of my head!"

Monday, 9:30 AM: "Wha…? What is this! My alarm clock has not awoken me! What small mind seeks to make me late?! Well, soon… soon the time will come for them to pay for their arrogance… and I will taste my sweet revenge!