Adult One-liners

• Virgin Airline ad: We are much more experienced than our name suggests!

• One guy asks the other: Hey, have you ever gone to bed with an ugly woman?
The second guy: No, but I've woken up with a few.

• What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes?
Stay out of BED for two days.

• What's common between U and Christmas tree?
The balls are just for decoration.

• Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.

• Kiss- Height of luv
Nipple- Peak of luv
Boobs- Shape of luv
Penis- Length of luv
Pussy- Depth of luv
Ass- Base of luv
Testicles- Weight of luv
Fuck- Experience of luv
Suck- Taste of luv
Masturbation- Substitute of luv
Condom- Care of luv
Sperm- Cream of luv
Marriage- Mistake of luv
Pregnancy- Proof of luv
Child- Outcome of luv

• I told my wife I want to die in bed. She said, "You did last night - three times!"

• Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.
"Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl.
"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and wash up as far up as possible."
"Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash possible."

• The sexy secretary walked into her boss's office & said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you"
"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You aren't sterile....."

• Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.
The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."

• A really, really fat man got out of the shower at the health club. A second man said: Gee, you're fat!
The fat man: Yeah.
The second man asked: How long's it been since you've seen your dick?
The fat man answered: Long time.
The second man asked: Why don't you diet?
The fat man asks: Why? What color is it now?

• A woman walks into a gynaecologist's office who greets her with: At your cervix, madam!
The woman replies: Dilated to meet you!

• A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wie yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

• My wife says my sex drive has taken up walking

• Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down

• "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.
"Honey," he continued, "what would then neighbors think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
His wife thought for a moment, then replied, "That I married you for your money."

• Q: What does a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

• Litte Boy: Daddy, where did I come from?
Daddy: You came from the stork
Little Boy: Ewww, you fuc ked a stork?

• A delicate young man walked into an army recruiting office. After answering numerous questions, he was finally asked if he was a homosexual. The guy admitted that he was.
Recruiter: Gay, huh? Do you think you could kill a man?
"My, yes," the man giggled, "but it would take days & days"

• What do you do if you come across a girl in your bed?
Apologise and wipe it off!

Adult One-liners

Related news

1027 times read

Did you enjoy this article?