I was a middle school teacher before retirement.  One day I had students at the board working problems.  One of the young ladies was an exceptional student who happened to be a blonde.  For some reason I told her that she was using a piece of left handed chalk.  Without turning around or saying anything she put the chalk in the tray, picked up another piece of chalk, and continued with her problem.
 David Gurley
I work as a secretary at an elementary school.  During the second week of school a student in Mrs. Maemura's first grade class was sent to the office after having a bathroom accident.  Number 2.  I bent down and softly asked her if she had diarrhea.  She looked up at me and said "No.  I have Mrs. Maemura."

At Math time, I told the kids that we were going to talk about Even and Odd.  One boy yelled out- "I know that story.  It's in the Bible! " After I quit laughing, I said- "I think you mean Adam and Eve. "
Chris Minch ~ Stuart, FL

As an introduction to a new book, I was introducing my 6th graders to new vocabulary words.  I read a list of new words that the students would add to their list, and after I said, "Number 6. Rhododendron" one boy started asking his table mates where "Dendron" was.  The kids could not understand what he was asking so he asked me "where the road to Dendron was".  After collecting myself, I told him that rhododendron was one word.  I still think that he is looking for Dendron. April Bynum ~Jonesboro, AR
Many years ago when I was a teen, I was assisting the Sunday school teacher in class.  One Sunday, as we approached the Lenten season , the teacher asked the group of 1st graders if any one of them knew what Lent was. One of the little girls holding her hand high and proud stated that she knew what Lent was.  The little girl explained that "Lent" was the little things that her mom picked off the clothes when they came out of the dryer. 
Maine

I was a teacher in a tutoring center and at the end of every session, we would ask the students quiz questions for extra tokens.  I asked, "What are the three primary colors?".  One of my students said, " I know- black, white, and Mexican!!"  I laughed so hard, I gave him 2 tokens.
Chrystal Hunt, North Port, FL

One teacher I had for Biology had a special way to remember Kingdom Pylum Class Order Family Genus Species. Her way we found out was King Phillip Came Over For Really Great Spaghetti. But, she was a bit flustered that day and instead of saying King Phillip Came Over For Really Great Spaghetti, she said King Phillip Came Over For Really Great Sex.
Claire A. ~ CA

I was handing out directions on how to make something. I can not even remember now what it was. One little boy turned to the kid next to him and he said--- "I love it when Mrs. Towell hands out erections."
Jennifer Towell- Stuart, FL

A kindergarten student at my school was sent to the office for saying a rather naughty word in the cafeteria. I talked to him about using other words to say when he was angry. We practiced "shucks", "darn", "rats", etc. I told him my favorite word was "dag nab it!". He said he liked that one, we high-fived each other and I went off feeling like I helped him. I later walked back in the office to find him still sitting there. He jumped off his stool, ran up to me and yelled "DAMN RABBITS!!" while grinning ear to ear!
Mary Slavin ~ Stuart, FL

I was wearing a long, colorful skirt made out of that broomstick material when I was trying to explain the word "brag" to my First Graders.  I was pretending to brag about being the fastest runner in the whole class.  I was going on and on when a little boy raised his hand and said, "You can't run fast wearing that CURTAIN!"
Chris Minch ~Stuart, FL

My 5th graders were doing their warm-ups when one came up to ask a question about something he didn't understand. He read it out loud to me. "According to the picture, how much would the orgasms be magnified." I am soo proud of myself...without busting, I politely corrected his pronunciation. "That word is organism Dear."
Michelle Lee ~ League City, TX

Years ago, when I first started teaching, I had a little girl in my first grade class whose mother was going to have a baby. The baby was due in February, so around the fifth of the month I started asking Stephanie if her Mother had had the baby. I guess I asked her too many times because one day she came in and said, "My Mother had the baby." I asked her what she had and Stephanie answered, "They don't know yet, it's too small." I asked her if her Mother really had had the baby, and she admitted she hadn't. I told her that I wouldn't bother her anymore, and that she could tell me when it arrived. A few days later, she did tell me, and it was a girl. I never "bugged" another student about something like that happening in his/her family again.
Daisy Sedalnick ~ Denver, Colorado

The science lesson was moving along with great interest as we discussed the habits of nocturnal animals. Now the question was asked, "What do you call animals that are active and feed during the day? "My fourth grade, smiling boy replied with confidence in his voice---"I know--ETERNAL!"
Mary Dungan ~ Marianna,Fl

I was helping a little girl practice her handwriting in first grade and she was staring at me intently. Thinking she was paying close attention I continued. She then politely said " I don't want to be mean but do you know you have hair on your lip?" I then said " Is it black?' She said " no" so I told her not to worry about it!!!!"
Maureen Besst ~ Orlando , FL

When we were discussing who spoke English and who spoke Spanish Kristopher piped up and said he just talks regular.
Maureen Besst ~ Orlando, FL

I teach preschool, 2 year olds. When I was Pregnant with my 3rd child, I saw no reason to tell my class because they were so young.  As the year was coming to an end, I grew quite large. One of my little darlings came up to me and said," Miss Ilene, your belly is getting very fat!"  I asked this little boy if he'd like to know why, and he said yes. I told him I had a baby in my tummy. He walked away, saying nothing. The next day, this happy, never cry child pitched a fit when his mother tried to leave.  She pulled him aside and they talked for a few minutes, and the little boy calmed down, and the mom was grinning from ear to ear. I asked what happened and she said, "Adam thought you might eat him, you've already eaten a baby."
I.Kendig ~ GA

A  wise school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.

My friend Rhonda was telling me how rushed she was that morning getting her three children off to school. One of them had a field trip, but Rhonda couldn't find the permission slip anywhere.  She finally wrote a note to the teacher explaining she had lost the form but it was okay for her child to go on the trip.  Later Rhonda got a call from the teacher saying the note she had sent was scribbled on the back of the "lost" permission slip.
Carol Newcombe
Reader's Digest

One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in it's ear." The teacher said, "You what?" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."
Gail Beck ~ Augusta, ME

A few blocks away from our school, on our way to a pumpkin farm last Fall, one of my first graders was looking out the window of the bus,
while she was excitedly pointing and naming all the places she recognized; - "that's where my grandma works," pointing to a supermarket warehouse.
"My mom works at the bank", and that her auntie also worked somewhere.  All of the sudden she stops, turns, and says to me, "How about you Mrs.
Alvarez? Where do you work?"  I thought that was a classic.
AZAN60@aol.com
First Grade True Story
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy %$#@! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

I was showing a video regarding the Revolutionary War to my "slower" class of seventh graders. Before turning on the video, I told them that the video would show actors portraying different historical people such as John Adams or Thomas Jefferson. I even told them that there would be a sign which would come up during the film which would remind everybody that these actors were saying the actual words of the historical characters that they were portraying. (I could see, however, that a few of the boys were not paying attention to what I was saying.) I turned on the video, waited for and pointed out the sign I had mentioned, and then watched the students as they watched the video. An actor portraying George Washington appeared. "Hey," I heard one boy say as he nudged his nearby friend, "is that George Washington?" His friend regarded him with utter contempt. "Stupid!" he whispered back, "This video's in color. They didn't have color videotape back then. If it was George Washington, it would be in black and white!"
FKM321@aol.com

Every school year with first, second, and third graders I do an activity I call "The United Shades of America." We match our skin color to "people color" paints and paint portraits and walls, make hand-print murals, and celebrate who we are and how we look. The colors are called everything from cinnamon, peach, and mahogany, to toast. When one third-grader's skin color matched the "wheat" color, he became so excited, he hollered, "I'm finally Student of the Wheat."
JoMarie Privitera
Buffalo, New York

While discussing the vocabulary for our new story last week, I asked the class what they knew about a harbor.  One child responded, "It's like a boat parking lot with a dock."
Slynnk27@cs.com

We were doing a science lesson on how plants grow. The children all got a chance to plant their own seeds.   As the teacher I planted a few
extra seeds for the children whose plants do not sprout. After a few weeks of watching them I secretly exchanged a few.  The next day one
 of my students said "Look teacher, it's a miracle, my plant is growing".  I said "Yes, seeds sprouting is very exciting".  He said," No teacher,
that's not the miracle, I ATE the SEED and it is growing anyway!"
Debbie Capuano
My first grade class and I were on a field trip.  We were walking along a board walk that stretched over a wetlands area.  Along the board walk were
little plaques with donors names engraved on them.  I heard one boy ask another, "What do you think all these names mean?".  The other boy responded,
"They must be the names of people who fell off and died!".
Beth Weatherstone ~ Vero Beach, FL

"Real teachers keep a straight face when a parent tells them their child did not complete the homework because their computer does not have Roman
numerals on it." (True story!)
I was sitting, at the end of the day, waiting for my kindergarten class to get ready so that I could read them a story before we left.  One child was playing
 with a book, waving it in other children's faces.  I told her to stop and she did... for 2 minutes.  Then she started again.  I said, "Maybe you shouldn't go on
the trip."  Without missing a beat she answered (very sweetly) "Maybe I should."
Nadine Elhathat  ~ Brooklyn, NY

The children had all been photographed, and
the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a
doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's
the teacher; ...she's dead."
Gail Beck ~ Augusta, Maine
A neighbor is a primary school principal. They started school on Thursday.  Friday morning a
little, bitty girl strolls into the main office. "I don't know where to go or who my teacher is," she announces.
The principal tells her everything will be okay, and asks what grade Little Miss Muffet is in.
"First," the mite replies confidently.  "And do you know your name, darling?"  "Oh yes, and my telephone too."
Her eyes start to tear up.  The principal reassures her they have a powerful computer which will reveal all.  They type in the child's
name.  "Honey, you are in Kindergarten, not First." "Oh no. I already came yesterday." 
I lovvvvve this accelerated program, don't you?
Gail Beck ~ Augusta, ME
I was walking down the hall with a
student when she asked me if I had a boyfriend.  I told her "No",
and I asked why she wanted to know.  She said, "Because I want you to
go on a date with my Dad".  The funny part of all this is that her
parents are married and her Mom was a volunteer at the school and a friend of
mine!
Chris Gulotta ~Tallahassee, FL
While I was doing my student teaching, my supervising teacher was talking to the class about ticks and how you should pour alcohol on it in order to
remove the tick.  One of the children anxiously raised his hand and said," I know why you put alcohol on the tick--to make it drunk!"
KACDDH@aol.com
It was getting to be "sweater weather" and we had a bad case of static cling in the room.  After our morning carpet time, we found a pair of ladies thong panties on the carpet!  I guess they were stuck in one of the kids' sleeves.
Chris Gulotta ~Tallahassee, FL

I was taking my kindergarten class to the art room one day. After walking in the door, one of the little boys said, "It smells like marker breath in here!"
Vicki Wells ~Stuart, FL

After a recent trip to Washington, D.C., I was showing my kindergarteners pictures of the different monuments and buildings. I held up a picture and said, "This is the Capitol building." A little boy, Jeremy, asked, "Where is the Lower Case building?"
Chris Gulotta ~Stuart, FL

It was Clown Day at school and I was wearing a pair of large, baggy pants with a hula hoop at the waist. One boy peeked in my pants and said, "You look like you could have a party in those pants."
Vicki Wells ~ Stuart, FL

My husband and I got a very nice job offer to take over a ranch for a couple who were wanting to retire. The problem was that we live in North Dakota and the ranch is in Wisconsin. I was discussing it with my 6 and 8 year old daughters and asked what their feelings were on the issue. My six year old piped up and said, "Mom, we can't do that! Think how long it would take us to get to school!"
Daran Sagvold ~ North Dakota

On the first day of class I always conduct an "icebreaker" activity. The students are to stand, introduce themselves, and tell us something most people don't know about them. One student responded: "My name is Chris and I hate people that suck up to the teacher......by the way, Western Civ. is my favorite class."
Bill McClelland ~ Pittsburgh, PA

I was talking to one of my kindergarteners while walking to lunch. She was telling me that her aunt, who was also her "fairy godmother", was taking her to Disney World.
Vicki Wells ~ Stuart, FL

I began teaching jive in my Grade 6 class and some of the boys were a little reluctant to hold hands, get close to the girls,etc.  I wanted to make the point that there are only a few places where people (especially boys) can learn how to dance, like school, their mom, or a friend. I gave a short talk and asked the boys, "Where can you learn to dance?" One of my students quickly replied, "A gay bar?"
Jay Kennard

I was teaching, or so I thought, some French culture to a group of 8th graders a few years ago, and we were discussing the martyred Joan of Arc. Being a (very bad) punster, I referred to Joan as the "original French fry." A student shyly raised his hand and asked, "I thought she was swallowed by a whale." Another student solved the concern by stating, "No, that was Jonah!"
Lynne Lucas ~Jacksonville, FL

"Special Occasions" (Author Unknown)
This is more embarrassing for my mother than for me because I wasn't quite four years old when it happened. My mother taught me to read when I was 3 years old (her first mistake).   One day I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?  Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts she told me that those were for special occasions. Now fast forward a few months. It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. You guessed it! When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge. My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!

 I was helping a four-year old straggler meet up with the group as they waited for us inside the children's museum. I had not realized that his pants were a bit big for him. I knew he loved to run and that he understood what it was to pace. "Pace with me," I coaxed. He said he couldn't and he sounded sincere. I still kept up an animated walk. "Pace me," I smiled. I looked down to see his problem at the same time he looked up and said, "You're pacing my pants off!"
Sharon Johnson ~ Indianapolis, IN

I was student teaching in the first grade. We were just introducing addition.  One of the boys told me that he could add and he even knew how to do "attraction." I inquired about his knowledge. He said," Oh, you know! Like you've got 5 kids in the hall and 2 go into the bathroom. THAT'S attraction!
Michelle Harper ~ Willis, TX

Three years ago I started teaching Kindergarten. I had the perfect mix of kids. I soon discovered I would become a grandmother that February. I told my class a couple of weeks before the baby was born that I would be missing a couple of weeks to be with my daughter when her baby came. One of my students (a girl) jumped up from her chair and said, "Oh, you gonna wear your hair up and wear old lady clothes!" What was so funny was her expressions of movements she made. She put her hand up like her hair was on top of her head and then motioned to her clothes. I was 42 when my granddaughter was born.
M121180@aol.com

I was doing a Character Counts lesson on cooperation.  I asked my kindergarteners if anyone could tell me what cooperation means.  A little girl raised her hand and said, "Someone in my family had a cooperation and died!".
Vicki Wells ~ Stuart, FL

A mother was teaching her 3 year old daughter the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night  she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end "Lead us not into temptation" she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."
Readers' Digest

I was trying to hook up a laser disc player and was having a heck of a time getting it connected to the TV and VCR.  I asked the kids to sit still for a minute and give me a second to fiddle.   When I asked them if they knew what fiddle meant, Kelsey stood up and said, "You know...she has to go to the bathroom."
Chris Gulotta ~ Tallahassee, FL

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here? The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there? Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest.   As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?   Oh, no! the little girl replied. Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants.
Taken from one of those forwarded emails...

I was asking one of my kindergarteners what their address was.  She replied, "423 21 Jump Street".   This was back in 1988!
Chris Gulotta ~Tallahassee, FL

One morning, while we were doing our small group reading, my fifth graders kept on saying the word "he" for "we". This was quite unusual! Finally, it was Kaley's turn to read. She said "he" also. I corrected her and said it's "we" and she said "Okay, we, we, we!" The entire class was in an uproar because after she said the "we" three times everyone thought of the other we ("Wee!"). A few minutes later several children had to go to the bathroom. I guess it was because they were reminded to go!
Sherry Jaramillo ~ Deltona, Florida.

My students had just come from a science class, where some of them tried eating sea weed. One of the students who didn't said, "I would never eat that." I told him that it is in many things he eats everyday. I said, "If the ingredients have kelp in them, then you are eating sea weed." He said, "Kelp? I thought that was those skirts the Scottish guys wear."
Debbie Lafond ~Cumberland, RI

Little Johnny walked into his kindergarten room one morning wearing shoes that were at least 6 sizes too big. The teacher looked at him and asked "Johnny, who's shoes are you wearing?". Johnny smiled back and said proudly "my big brother's". The teacher, still puzzled asked, "Does your mother know you have your brother's shoes on?" Johnny replied " YES she does, she's the one who said I could wear them". The teacher is now really confused so she has to ask "Why did your mother
tell you to wear your brother's shoes?" Johnny said with a grin, "because he buried MINE in the back yard!!"
M. Diane Barber-Lacroix Ft. Pierce, FL

I teach 2nd grade boys in church, and came up with a way I thought would keep all the boys from being preoccupied with looking out the window. "You know," I would tella boy, "There might be a girl out there, and if she sees you staring she'll think you like her." It worked really well last year to get their attention back onto me, and I imagine a couple teachers I told picked it up. Well, this year it worked on a few boys, but then I saw one boy flapping his arm and making gross noises with his armpit. "If the girls see you doing that, they'll think you're trying to impress them," I said. He replied: "This won't impress them. They'll just think I smell."
D.Fowler

Well, I am a student in 7th grade. In my science class, my classmates and I had to read a paragraph out of the science book. This one girl, Alicia, was reading, and instead on saying organism, she said orgasm. I tried so hard not to burst out laughing, and it worked until I got out of the classroom. As I was going to my next class, I started cracking up.
Kelsea Rutledge

I was a teachers aid for a kindergarten class and the teacher was handing out "awards" for tasks the students could pass off. They had to know their address, phone number, and show her that they knew how to tie their shoe. As the teacher was going around the room asking the students if they knew these things one little girl came up to her and said "I know my Monroe, I know my Monroe!" Needless to say, she lived on Monroe street!
Amanda Reynolds ~ Layton, Utah

On the first day of school my first graders were anxious to show me the things that they had brought to school in their backpacks.  One little girl came up with a small memo book with a picture of a kitten on the front and told me "Mrs. Byers, I have 2 of these in my backpack!"  I responded that it was very nice but, since we wouldn't be using them in school perhaps she could take it home and write in it or do some homework in it.  With a huge smile, and as pleased as punch, she said, "It's a diarrhea!  (diary!)"  I could not stop laughing!
Terri Byers~ Columbus, Ohio
I worked in an Elementary School clinic for seven years. Needless to say, I have seen a lot of funny things in there. However, one day this sweet little girl came in. She had what appeared to be a cold in her right eye. Trying to rule out pink eye, I asked her if it was crusted over when she woke up that morning. She said, "Yes, I think the sleepy man put too much boogers in it!" Priceless huh?!
Melissa Brady ~ Okeechobee, FL

My family was sitting down eating dinner, and our five year old seemed to be upset. She looked up at my husband and I and said "Mom Dad my teacher said a bad word at school today.  I said "oh,no what did she say" She looked at my husband and I to see if she was going to get into trouble and said "Well, today we were learning about bugs, and she said that they were in-sex (insects)"
Lydia Schuster ~ Fulton, MO

A friend of mine was teaching an art lesson to several first graders.  She was trying to get them to remember the colors, and how to make other colors from the primary colors.  A little boy walked up to her, held up his first finger and said sweetly "Red".  The teacher said that that was very good.  He then held up his third finger and sweetly said "Blue".  She again replied that that was good.  Then she asked him "What color do those two colors make?"  He then raised his fist in the air, proudly extended his middle finger and shouted "PURPLE!!!!"......just as the principal walked into the room.  It took the principal three glasses of water and several tissues in order to compose herself and resume her day. 
Leslie MarloweI passed out snack to a class of kindergartners.  One young man looked up at me and told me that he wanted to share his cookie. (He had licked, smeared and slobbered it all over his face.)  I told him no thank you, and explained that I had gained weight over the winter break and needed to be careful about eating snacks.  He looked at me and I could tell his little mind was thinking.  I started to feel bad and decided I WOULD choke down the cookie somehow!  But then he said, "Teacher, its ok, really, I think you look the same fatness!"
A fifth grade class was in the media center for a dictionary/thesaurus lesson.  As I went over the vocabulary words to be used in the assignment, two boys immediately jumped up and began strutting around when I said the word “haughty.”  “That’s me!” each one proudly proclaimed.  Seems they got “hottie” and “haughty” a little confused.  Their classmates (and teachers) had a good chuckle over that.
Teresa Kent
 

True story - Kindergarten teacher comes to me in the office, and said a parent called her and said she's sure glad I was back form the illness and hoped there would be no more.  Her daughter had come home after a day or two with the teacher replacement and told mom she had "prostitute" teacher while Miss Kern was away.
 Ronald Helmer ~ Saginaw Michigan
 
When I was in first Grade, my teacher was having a spelling contest....One of my friends was going against another girl. The word was T H I S. Being young and wanting to come in first with the right word, she spelled SHIT first. The whole class was stunned and we didn't understand. But our teacher laughed so hard she had to leave the room. And now 10 years later we still tease her about it.
Cassandra Stevens ~ Dallas, TX
I was waiting for my 4 year old son's preschool class to be dismissed when the door to his classroom opened and out walked one of his teacher's right over to me. Laughing she told me that after their goodbye song she exclaimed "TGIF" and then asked the class if anyone knew what that meant. She said my son, waiving his arm in the air shouted " I do, PAYDAY!!"
Dana McDonald ~ NewJersey

During a science lesson on warm blooded and cold blooded animals a little struggling third grade student started begging to tell me what he thought about a turtle. He said, " You KNOW that turtle's gotta be warm blooded cause he has that rubber stuff on his legs that we almost never got cut off
one night. My uncle killed one and threw him in the bathtub and we couldn't hardly get that stuff off, so you KNOW it's gotta be warm in there!"
I walked into the hall with my book in front of my face and laughed until I cried!
Margaret Anne Ewing

I was teaching art to a class of second graders and trying to let them know
that quilts are made out of fabric, or cloth, as they haven't really learned
those words yet. I was wearing a red wool vest and a cotton shirt and used what
I was wearing as an example. I said, "This is wool and it comes from a sheep.
This is cotton and it comes from a garden." Later that day, the classroom
teacher who was in the room while I taught her class art said that one student
came up to her later in the day to ask her, "But where do they get red sheep?"
Kim Brodie, Birmingham Alabama

Several years ago, a primary student in my school was sent to see the
principal for misbehaving in the classroom. The principal was very upset to see this
same young man in his office again (because he seemed to be there quite
often). After talking sternly to the boy for a few minutes and reprimanding him,
the principal gave the boy this warning, "The next time you come to my
office... I guess I'm going to have to get out my paddle!"
Without blinking an eye, the confused boy replied, "You have a boat?"
Amy -- Kentucky

During P.E. class, one of my students said that she was part American Indian. I asked if she was part Seminole. She then stated "No, I'm a Gator!"
Ron Woodard, Ocala, FL

This is my first year teaching. I've spent much of my time trying to get the students interested in the day's material. The best comment I've heard all year was from a student that had disregarded many of my previous classes. Michael exclaimed," Hey! This stuff is pretty easy, when you pay attention!". He's spent much more time listening and taking notes in class. Another light bulb turned on and burning brightly!
Bill B. ~ Pensacola, FL

In our church, we have missionaries that travel around from place to place spreading the gospel. One day while driving to a doctor's appointment, I saw two of our local missionaries walking down the street. At that same instant my little sister exclaimed " Look! It's the dictionaries!"
Rebecca Brand

I teach 2nd grade and have many funny stories, but this one tops them all. One day little girl in my cousin's first grade class went home and asked her mother what testicles were. Caught off guard, her mother sat down and gingerly began to explain, as best as she could, what they were. After the long spill, the little girl looked at her mother and said, "That is not what my teacher told me they were. She told me that you wear them on your eyes to help you see better!" Needless to say, it was spectacles (glasses) that were being talked about!! Talk about a pick-me-up!
Joy Knop - Thomasville, GA

 We were at my in-laws one weekend and our 4 yr old who is now eight was in their bathroom looking at herself in the mirror, one of her favorite things to do. My father in law went in the bathroom and asked her what she was doing, she replied just looking. She then said " Papa can I ask you a question?" "yes" he said she says " did God make you and me both?" "Yes God made both of us" he replied. She then looked in the mirror and then back at her papa and in the mirror again, she did this a couple of times before finally saying "Boy he sure is doing a better job now." We all laughed for several minutes at the expense of my father in-law. We occasionally bring it up at family functions too.
Jodie, Siloam Springs, AR

My aunt is a first grade teacher in Northern New York. One day she was explaining the different seasons to her class. Summer, Spring, Winter and Fall. My aunt opened the window to show her class the leaves that had fallen on the ground then asked if one of her students could tell her what season it was now. A little boy outfitted with camouflage raised his hand, she called on him. "What season is it?", she asked. Without missing a beat, "It's hunting season". He was right!
Laura Stone- Northern, NY

One afternoon I was playing with my three year old daughter and two year old son. I would pretend to be asleep and then "wake up" when they poked me. At one point they poked me but I stayed "asleep". My son turned to my daughter and said, "Ah Oh, I think we need to change Mommy's batteries."
Alicia Hamilton

I waited in the school yard for my kindergartener granddaughter to finish class each day.  Two days a week my 3 year old granddaughter waited with me.  We live in a multi-ethnic area.  One day we were sitting with other parents and grandparents when a gentleman  walked up in a white turban, white Neru dress and pants, and white mustache and beard.  My 3 year old leaned in close and whispered to herself, "He's God."  She sat very still and quiet until he came and sat nearby.  Then I heard her say, "Oh, he's just a man."
Diagramtz@aol.com
My mother has enjoyed sharing this story many times over. When I was 3 years old my family and I were in the car on our way to a relatives house and I voiced that  had to go #2.  We were no where near a restroom, so my mom told me to squeeze my cheeks and wait until we got there.  When she looked back to see if  was okay, there I was with my hands on my face "squeezing my cheeks"!
Danielle Wright

I have 4 daughters ages 5 and under. We frequently are joined by my 5 year old nephew in our every day adventures as well. We all went to the Dr's office to have my 3 yr old tested for a UTI. The doc handed me a cup and said to take it home and have her pee in it for him (because she refused to at the office). And before I could agree, my nephew chimes in "But how is she going to fit in there?" Needless to say the doc had to collect himself before going to the next patient!!!
Jessi Brown, WV

I was teaching a unit on Florida to my 4th graders prior to a field trip to St. Augustine, showing a book with pictures of the building of the railroad by Flagler.  One of my students asked me: "were the streets black and white back then?"
After recovering my jaw from the floor, I asked her to please tell me she was kidding.  She wasn't.
Ada Fennell